It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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