Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
