yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is Oprah even human
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize