New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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