dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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