life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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