I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
