I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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