somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
