im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
