when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
