his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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