1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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