Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
