I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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