do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
