It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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