You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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