Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
