I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
smell my finger.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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