whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
