is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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