We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
