So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
