i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
