i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
