I'm really into asian looking animals
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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