Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
