My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
