Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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