So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
