Buhtt sex?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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