at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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