Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
