lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
