Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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