I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
