You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
