This is not my ceiling
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
