Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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