Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
