I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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