Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
