i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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