I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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