I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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