I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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