I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
