Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
