This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
