he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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