My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
