Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
