You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i love accidental penises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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