I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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