everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
