I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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