Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
