is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
