Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize