I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
