An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
