In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
