I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
