bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
