Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
