you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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