Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
