is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
