I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
