nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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