So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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