my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
