The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
