I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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