Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dicks are not precious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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