Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
