don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
