Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
