And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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