I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
