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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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