I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
